Original (Part I)

I mentioned yesterday that I would very much like to punch Joe Biden in the nose. I'd like to punch him so hard that his hair implants would fly around the room like the needles from a vigorously shaken, two month-old Christmas tree. That's the only reason I want to punch him; fake hair. I don't trust anyone who tries to drastically change their appearance to help advance their agenda. Sure, look your best, but don't try to deceive others.

My hair is starting to thin.
I have a receding hairline.
I'm experiencing some hair loss.
I'm damned near bald. *

Sure, hair like that of a TV Evangelist, country music star, or werewolf might be preferred, but it wasn't to be. I simply get my survivors of male pattern baldness buzzed off every few days. No problem. Like my daughter said in kindergarten when told she was printing her "e"s wrong, " If you don't like it, you don't have to look at it."

I might add, that not having to deal with a troublesome coiffure has shortened my morning regimen by 5 minutes or more.

So much for my head. I bristle at ads by Bosley, Hair Club for Men (First rule of Hair Club - There is no Hair Club), and other hair-restoring systems. The before picture has the follicle-challenged dude with a dour look on his face, unshaven, and looking a bit hung over and horny. The after picture shows presumably the same stud with a shit-eating grin on his face after his trip to a health spa and a weekend of hot sex. There also appears to be a dead badger sitting on his pate. This is no sweet deal for those who desire false hair. The remedy can cost thousands. Not to be crass... OK I am crass. But prostitutes don't charge extra for bald guys and if getting "dates" is the purpose of buying hair, then you can buy plenty dates for that price.

I submit Indiana Speaker of the House, Patrick Bauer








I can't take this guy seriously. Lose the hairpiece and I might.

* Cate style