Sunday, May 31, 2009


I am as guilty as anyone else. I've been feeding my intellect with far too many unwholesome snacks. Snacks come in the form of Twitter updates, sound bites, video clips, one-liners, quips, bumper stickers, T-shirts, skinnies, fortune cookies, blurbs, and slogans. Folks just don't seem to take the time needed to fully explore issues properly. Enterprise stories in newspapers are far and few between. (Newspapers may soon become far and few between) On television, Outside of of shows like Frontline on PBS, there isn't that much meat. Political shows present mere talking points and argue them ad nauseum.

The danger of all this is that our politcal opinions are often based on shallow information and little understanding of the total situation. No wonder our political conversations come off like a Henny Youngman routine. If that's the way it's going to be, I'm now going to aim my buttocks toward the sky like those plasma shooting beetles in Starship Troopers and rip off a few nuggets of my own.

Here goes. In my social/ political utopia:

1. All USA students are required to be fluent in a second language.
2. Marijuana is legal.
3. Churches have to pay taxes like any other business.
4. Artists and scientists are pictured on our money, not just politicians.
5. Medical care is free (socialized, if you will)
6. Schools are not viewed as day-care facilities. Short student days. More emphasis on parent involvement.
7. Each athletic scholarship granted by a college must be matched by 3 academic scholarships to students of the same high school
8. Flat tax for all. No local or state taxes.
9. No blackout rules for televised sports.
10. Only one boxing champion per weight class.
11. Free wireless everywhere.
12. No censorship.
13. Race, gender, sexual preference and nationality are all non-issues.
14. Mandatory military or social service for those of ages 19-21.
15. Consensual fist fights are an acceptable means of resolving personal disputes
16. All Cable / Satellite TV stations can be selected ala carte.
17. Salary cap for MLB.
18. Fox news must include a laugh track.
19. Neckties go the way of spats and hats.
20. Children under 13 tethered to parents in public places.

1 comment:

Call Me Cate said...

I don't agree with all of these but enough of them made me want to clap and cheer that it's not worth mentioning. Fantastic list.