Monday, June 30, 2008

Cheese It! It's the cops!

The law enforcement agencies and those posing as law enforcement agencies have been on my phone like it's a Branch Davidian complex. We have the State Trooper's Association leading the charge of those who call just to remind me to "buckle up" and perhaps drop a double sawbuck or two on them in thanks for the heads up. If this were the only cop charity up my butt, I'd still be annoyed. If these are police officers calling (yeah, right) then why aren't they out stopping crime? This smacks of a shakedown. They know who I am. So what's keeping them from pulling me over because I rudely hung up on Officer Friendly?

I'm not certain, but these are some of the other organizations that have called:

Police League
Patrolman's Charities
Law Enforcement Association
The Fuzz Fund
Bag Men of America
Fred the Cop
Mall Security Benevolent Crusade
Will Serve and Protect for Food
Racial Profiling International
Law and Order Viewers Association
this list goes on . . .

I just tell them - "Look Buddy, some police group calls here every night asking for money. Frankly, I don't trust any of you. Don't call again."

One Year - Still Kickin'

Harrumph Harrumph (originally weakly named Mr. Sparkle's Land of Enchantment) has been distributing drivel for one year as of last week. If nothing else, it's an excuse to knock down a little Patron Silver tonight.

Monday, June 23, 2008

I need to look into this.

Do all the bad drivers in Indiana have "In God We Trust" licence plates? This seems to be the case.


"When I look back on all the crap I learned in high school It’s a wonder I can think at all.“
Paul Simon - Kodachrome

It's amazing what sticks in my brain. Yours too, probably. I bet you can spit out the names of the three kinds of classic columns. (Ionic, Doric, Corinthian) . See what I mean? This type of knowledge is carved into my head and yet I can't remember if I took my meds today.

Here's more:

The Area of a triangle
The state capital of Oregon
Boyle's Law
The Three Sisters
1492, 1607, 1776, 1215, 1066
Every Good Boy Does Fine
Roman Numerals

Extra Curricular activities:

The words to the Oscar Meyer wiener song
Every line from The Godfather

In a Tourette's moment today, I blurted out "oxaloacetic acid!". This is a fragment of Krebs cycle, which I was required to memorize in a biology class. This was odd. Disturbed me plenty good.

So, did i take my meds today or not?

Sunday, June 22, 2008

House of David

Paul Keppinger came to the plate today for the Reds in a full beard. This prompted the announcer to mention The House of David. This made me smile. The young viewers must have missed the comment entirely.

The picture is of the House of David baseball team. They played for a church / seminary located in Southwestern Michigan not far from my home. I saw them play at the end of their run in the 50s. Their talented and hairy team toured the country, playing other local teams, including teams from the Negro Leagues. The old announcers invariably alluded to the House of David team when any bearded player came to bat.

The old joke was good to hear again.

Proud to be Matter

I take up space and have mass. Hooray for me.

I muse about just when folks should pipe up and say they are proud. Of course, I stand in judgement of the appropriateness of such. After all, it is a major component of this very blog.

Gay Pride. True, you are not ashamed of being a homosexual. OK. Good for you. But it does stop there. I can't think of anything that the gay community has done for their fellow man that stems from gayness alone.

Pacer Pride (or any other sports team) Nope. Not even close. You may be proud of your local team's self serving effort but being a fan isn't much of an accomplishment.

Proud to be an American - This has merit, but it's more of an I'm -glad I-don't-live-in-Sudan ring to it. It could be taken as. "By canting this slogan, I am fulfilling the requirements for civic responsibility."

"Say it Loud, I'm Black and I'm Proud" Great song in its day. Sadly, the message has faded over the years.

Pride in One's Work Sure, that new car your company built is an engineering and design marvel, but if it doesn't sell, will you still be proud and continue to manufacture it?

It appears that I take issue with anyone who says they are proud of themself.

So it is.

Monday, June 16, 2008

Slow News Day

But instead of reporting on Hulk Hogan's family I will be writing about a dead mouse found on our sidewalk today.

Patti dragged me outside and just pointed at it* The mouse wasn't squashed or half eaten. It didn't look like foul play of any kind was involved. It must have just dropped dead from natural causes. That didn't mean I was about to pick it up. I certainly had no designs of bringing it in the house. Patti suggested a burial. That idea was dismissed immediately. Well, it is trash night in these parts, so why not just pack him away with the cantaloupe rinds and coffee grounds? It was decided.

Meanwhile I turned my attention to other matters and the mouse was forgotten. I just remembered the little stiff a few minutes ago. He was right where he was before. A garden spade later he was in the trash bag awaiting his ride "home". For a mouse, I imagine being interred in a dump isn't all that bad. - And my prosaic entry beats the hell out of about half of what CNN passes off as news.

* Second graders always seem to simply point at undesirable things. If a kid is bad. They point at him. If there's dog poop, they point at it. Dead mouse? They'd point. Patti pointed. Teaching elementary children will change a person.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Bad Dog

Bosco peed on my shredder.

Monday, June 9, 2008

There Will Be Old Men

or No Country for Blood

Doesn't matter, I saw both of these fine films this week on HD-PPV.

No Country for Old Men was about what I expected from Joel and Ethan Coen. It was reminiscent of Blood Simple. I'd rate it just below Fargo and above Oh Brother, Where Art Thou? Anton Chigurh was the nastiest menace since Frank Booth. . Or was it the coin?

There Will Be Blood could have a place on in my Top 10. Only time will tell. I didn't even get up to pee and the 2+ hours went by in a flash. I can't begin to explain why I liked it in the scope of this blog. Suffice to say that I am glad I saw it. "God doesn't save stupid people."

It's refreshing to see movies that aren't a big spectacular based on a comic book hero, or part IV of a series, or a lame-assed script propped up by compter generated cartoons.

Sunday, June 8, 2008

Smack. Ahhhhhh

Nothing, I mean nothing, is better than a cold beer after knoocking down the lawn in 90 degree heat. Well. maybe two beers, or now three. I'm going to see at what point it stops getting better and better.

NBA game and more reading of Herman Goering biography in wonderful 68 degree AC awaits me tonight. Life IS grand.

Friday, June 6, 2008

No Help From Me.

We saw a crudely written sign stapled to a telephone pole in one of the neighborhoods. It read " LOST Friendly Pit Bull - Please call xxx-xxxx"

Patti pointed out that she wasn't about to walk up to a stray pit bull to see if it was friendly or not. Good call.

Monday, June 2, 2008

Heard in the Shower Today

I love to sing-a

About the moon-a and the June-a and the spring-a,

I love to sing-a,

About a sky of blue-a, or a tea for two-a,

Anything-a with a swing-a

to an "I love you-a,
I love to -a
I love to sing!