Five a.m. Fixation

The best part of my day is between midnight and six in the morning. It's my time. Sometimes I enjoy uninterrupted reading. It's also a perfect setting for doing work that requires a quiet house such as paying bills online. Mostly though, It's an ideal time to watch television that: a) requires concentration or b) I'm to embarrassed to admit I am watching

The television landscape changes after 2:00 a.m. One will see commercials that rarely appear during the daylight hours. This is how I came to loathe alpacas. One commercial has me intrigued and very close to actually making my first ever purchase of a product off a TV ad.

Introducing: The Yoshiblade.

Why THIS knife? Other offerings of seen-on-TV cutting tools have failed to arouse me (see knife, Ginsu). My current collection of quality knives cuts just fine. But - This Yoshiblade, I am told, is make of a ceramic material. Ooh, and it sounds like it originates in Asia. Perhaps Tojo Hidecki used a Yoshiblade to slice his tomatoes? The assemblage of ordinary ladies in the extended commercial are making short order of various foodstuffs with a relative lack of effort considering that the Yoshiblade appears to only be six inches long. I am also aware that other ceramic knives cost a whole bunch of money. This may be my only shot at getting an affordable, albeit diminutive and underpowered (possibly Asian), ceramic knife.

What the hell am I waiting for? One Yoshiblade can replace my entire drawer of knives, despite the fact that you get two Yoshiblades and a complement of other Yoshiesque kitchen tools for $19.95 plus the purposely vague shipping and handling costs. It's overkill if you ask me.

But it's five a.m. Operators are standing by. They stayed up just to take my order. I just want to experience the age-old Asian tradition of torturing vegetables with a ceramic knife. How could I go wrong?

I can't bring myself to order. The urge subsides until later this morning when like being in a bad episode of The Twilight Zone, I will be tested again by this persuasive ad.