Friday, November 5, 2010

Don't Mention It

There's plenty of chatter at my local poker room, especially among those who happen to be winning that night. Players are prohibited from talking about the current hand, but can speak about any other subjects

I've heard stories about serving jail time, being on a reality show, life in foreign lands, tall tales; you name it. I've heard some of the rauchiest dirty jokes. I hear hundreds of retellings of historical events that occured at card rooms from all over the world. I find out about card players who had died, been arrested, got into a fight, or left town for "personal reasons."

The unwritten rule is that there is no talk of politics or religion. A few ignorant racial or homophobic remarks slip in, but there's so much diversity in the room that someone will tell the bigot to ease up.

Despite the barber shop atmosphere, there are times I pack my iPod and noise blocking ear buds so I don't hear a single word. Some tables' conversations are boring and annoying to me. . Here is the short list that may explain why I've decided to listen to music instead of tuning in to your riveting narrative.

I don't want to hear about:

1. Your fantasy sports team. I only care about my teams. If you are not in my league, it doesn't matter that you grabbed Kenny Britt off the waiver wire and he's your leading wide receiver.

2. Ex girlfriends, wives, husbands, boyfriends, blow up sex dolls, etc. It's pitiful. If something is defined by the prefix "ex", then you shouldn't give a rat's ass about them, let alone assume that I do.

3. Famous friends. Oh, Peyton Manning once stood at the next urinal over from yours? Which brings us to...

4. Anything to do with your stuff or anyone else's. I don't need to elaborate, do I?

5. How wonderful you are. Self depreciation plays much better at a table full of fellow losers.

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