Thursday, November 11, 2010

The BIG Question

One or two of my Bonus Coverage readers (around 50%) have commented / responded to a question put forth on Tuesday. "If a zombie bites a vampire or vice versa, what would be the result?"

Much like telling one of Mudd's androids that you always lie, the above question, if pondered too long will put one in danger of a head explosion.

My field notes:

Vampire bites Zombie
Do zombies have blood?...If so, are vampires persnickety about who they bite?... zombies would have to be bitten three times to become a vampire, doubt if any respectable vamp would allow a zombie into the club... A killing bite wouldn't kill the zombie unless the brain was eaten - zombie would just be more jacked up than before... Zombies, being dead, do not regenerate tissue or grow - once drained of blood - no chance for 2nd or third attacks.... Tom Cruise was messed up after drinking dead blood...

Conclusion: Vampires would not have any reason to bite a zombie. They might kill them by conventional means due to zombies horning in on the fresh blood supply. A zombie bitten out of desperation would gain no abilities nor would be any less cursed.

Zombie bites Vampire:
Vampires a strong and agile... only the weakest of vampires are in danger of being bitten or eaten... Zombies limited to nighttime attacks... Bitten vampire's immune system determines whether it dies again or not... Either vampire becomes a zombie and loses all vampire powers or bite simply disfigures vampire. I say it dies, much like from a wooden stake, but has the benefit of waking to a new curse. Completely eaten vampires, however, must die. Still too elusive to allow this to ever happen. Do vampires shape shift? Can they self heal? Think so.

Conclusion: Implausible that a zombie would ever get a chance to bite a vampire. If so vampire would die, become a zombie and forfeit all vampire powers and good looks.

After this (What's the opposite of extensive?) research, a twitter friend put an end to the speculation with the perfect answer.

Q: If a vampire bit a zombie or vice versa, what would be the result?
A: Larry King