Candles in the Brain

There's just a hint of Autumn in the air. Football season is underway. It's time to kiss summer goodbye and start thinking about the winter routine.

Candles. They are a requirement for my den in the colder months. I'm picky about my candles. Yankee Candles and their cheap imitators are unacceptable. I do not like the wasted wax and the charred glass when the candle is burned only half away. Yankees are expensive. My main complaint is that them Yankees don't give out enough scent. The candidates have been weeded out over the years and Renuzit pillar candles are preferred, if not demanded.

I don't know what the deal is, but I can't find a single RPC (Renuzit Pillar Candle) in any of the lovely scents. Perhaps it's just the off season. I hope so. I intend to call the company as soon as I finish this entry. I hope too that the product isn't discontinued. I'll be particularly upset if some fecal-brained individual did something perverse with an RPC that resulted in injury, subsequently causing the product to be pulled from shelves. A fraternity prank gone bad, and in turn, negatively impacting my candle experience, would be devastating.

Plan B:

I picked up a flameless candle. This thing is funny. Funny, ha ha, and funny weird. You put a battery in the apparatus and it sends a periodic charge into a vial of oil. The thing emits a fragrant puff of smoke every few seconds. You can hear the "poof". Even the unimaginative would be able to conjure up a silly simile to describe this nonsense. Wait! There's more. If you press down on the top, it has a tiny LED or something that activates, giving the illusion that there is indeed a flame deep inside the frosted glass. It flickers. It smokes. It is not the answer.