Sunday, February 28, 2010

The Purge

This small piece of internetz space is overgrown with weeds. So neglected has it been that I don't even check in to see if anyone has left a comment. Come to find out that there has been weed-like comments by some douche who goes by the inspiring name of Anonymous. I'm minutes away from deleting A's comments which concern promotion of needless services and are sown on the most barren of online soil.

The second order of business is to increase the font size. Not only does it give impression of more content, but keeps people from saying "Fuck it. I'm not going to strain my eyes to read this teeny-tiny font." The readers who arrive here by mistake or are weeding out their bookmarks and wondering what the hell "Harrumph, Harrumph" is / was all about and bailing out after seeing the dinky text cannot be blamed. Nothing written in small print is interesting. This would include such things as disclaimers, footnotes, government warnings, and expiration labels.

Since I decided to keep this blog active, I had to reconcile it with my social media involvement. Twitter sates 99% of my online communication needs. Facebook? Still haven't warmed up to it. Facebook is often like being forced to look at wedding pictures of the wedding that already ruined an otherwise exciting Saturday for me.

Harrumph, Harrumph is now called called Bonus Coverage. Should a snide remark on Twitter lead to a rant or a tedious account of an actual event that interrupts my mundane life, then you'll find it here.

Oh, I almost forgot. This post is titled The Purge. I have pared down the list of people I follow on Twitter. I used to be so thrilled that someone would follow little ol' me that I would follow them right back. Now jaded, and convinced that while I wasn't reading their tweets any more than they were reading mine, I had to pull the plug on these low voltage excuses for human interaction. I mean, really. I'm saturation bombing Twitter with profanity and a mutual follower is sending out tweets that read like auditions for sappy greeting cards.

Among the malfeasance or indiscretion that led to being scratched from my list included the following:

Retweeting everything. I mean everything. Particularly annoying are retweets of headline news items. "Asteroid hits Cincinnati, Ties up Traffic." Thanks Mr. News Tipster(s).

Offering advice. I don't need a life coach. I certainly don't want to be like you. ...and by the way, if you want to make me financially successful, give me all your money, otherwise, fuck off.

Celebs without content. Make me laugh, say something provocative, or else get lost.

People who can't or won't write above a 5th grade level. I'm assuming they don't read very well either and my posts are too difficult for them to grasp. Although rife with typos as a result of posting at 5:00 a.m. or when my steady state is disturbed by the slightest chemical imbalance, my posts at least are aimed at reasonably intelligent followers.

Anyone who follows thousands of people. Sorry, Jack, one less won't make much difference.

So why am I following you? Because you're interesting. You're are a good writer. You will engage in a conversation. More so, I am drawn to the disenchanted, nihilistic, irreverent, insecure, befuddled, and otherwise mentally unbalanced.

Anyone who can scribe a riveting account of their latest meal, deserves to be read.

1 comment:

Jeni Burns said...

See, I knew I liked you :)
I've been strategically reducing my follow count on twitter lately, simply because so many people either retweet bad info, not-news, not-interesting bullshit, or are no longer interesting to me. Tweetdeck is AWESOME for making it a one-step process, lol.