Monday, June 22, 2009

Horror at the Apple Store.

The rub was this. My iPod dock wasn't doing what it was supposed to do. That is, not powering my iPods. No problem, as I have another dock, but a problem because my iPod Touch will drop from the wireless network after 30 minutes on battery power. I like to stream Last FM and Radio Paradise to my home theatre sound system, but don't like having to reset the connection twice each hour.

I take the docking unit to the Apple store.

Egads. There are two lines formed outside the storefront. People are STILL going ape shit over the 3GS iPhone. One line was to buy a phone and the other was for those seeking permission to enter the store. I truthfully stated that all I wanted was an answer to my docking problem. I was directed to the I-am-not-getting-a-phone-today line. A couple of people were allowed to go right into the store. Just as if this was a hot club and only A-List people were invited to enter. A guy in shorts and a tee shirt who did a half-assed job of shaving his face doesn't fit the big spender profile, so lying and saying I wanted the biggest and most expensive Mac on the planet wouldn't have had legs anyway. The wait was a mere 10 minutes and I got a free bottle of water. The clerk wasn't much help, but he did test the dock and said it was fine.

But this wasn't the horror suggested by this post's title. Not even close. What I saw while waiting in line will stay with me for years. I wanted to take a picture so badly, but I didn't have the stones . Besides that, the picture would have been quickly dismissed by skeptics. I will attempt to describe what I saw.

I saw this girl who had the darkest tan I have ever seen. She's scantily dressed to show off her nice figure and bronze skin. At first this made the wait more bearable, but as my male eyes check out this lovely lady from the bottom up, my jaw literally drops, and I immediately mouth an F-bomb. It seems that this dear girl has failed to tan her neck and head. Her facial skin is somewhat pasty and she has dyed her hair blond. Imagine if you will some little girl had ripped the head of her Black Barbie and replaced it with another Barbie head with the skin tone of Andy Warhol. Perfect head, perfect body. In combination - a mythical beast.

I hope I didn't gawk too long at her and come off as a drooling pervert. How could such a contrast between skin tones be achieved? Was she too tall for the tanning bed? Was she dipped into brown dye up to her neck? Head transplant?

...and no I'm not so desperate to post on this blog that I would made this shit up.

I saw her.